he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
