im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
