If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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