i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
and eventually we just all took our pants off
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
