he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
