So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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