Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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