At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
