it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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