HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
