the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize