Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
