Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
