u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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