I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You can't special order awesome
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
