Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
