did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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