happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
