Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I still have a little drunk in my system
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
