I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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