Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
