At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
