in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
