____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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