just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
