I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
