I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
