TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
