What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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