I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize