remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
