Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
