Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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