the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
