watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
