did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize