Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
