I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
