What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
