Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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