My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
