i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
