drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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