i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
