You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize