You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
