You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
