Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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