dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
