he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
