anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It all started with a game of naked twister.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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