Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Can I color on your dick again?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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