he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize