Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
