Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Is it penis luge time yet?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
