I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
