So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
