i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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