sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
