i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
