It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
