i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am midnight drunk by noon
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
