Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Randomize
