Yo dont text me then not text me
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
