names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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