We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
