did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
