So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
