u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
