Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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