I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
now i know why i became what i already was.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
