YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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