One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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