Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
