i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
