I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
