just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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