Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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