remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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