There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize