My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Shame is for Republicans.
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