Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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