It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
