Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize