i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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