this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
