Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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