K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
