Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
this will be a night to untag.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
