If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
