dude i'm inner monologue high
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
