One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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