He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
