I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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