You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
