I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize