I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I need moral support for this bender
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
