Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
