We should be called the Road Head Warriors
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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