I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
