Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
